Response to the Zombie Apocalypse

As we are all aware, over the last few months there have been attacks on innocent people all over America. We extend our profound sympathies to the families of the victims.

These attacks have been blamed on zombies. We object to this blanket indictment of all zombies because of the actions of a few.

The motives behind these attacks are not clear. We should not jump to the conclusion that these attacks were motivated by zombieism just because the victims were killed and eaten by zombies. Zombieism is a lifestyle of peace and passivity.

There have been a number of disturbing incidents in which the civil rights of zombies were clearly violated.

• A respected doctor was committed to an insane asylum for the "crime" of simply associating with zombies. We call for an immediate end to this violation of the right to free association. People must be free to form friendships and business associations without fear of intimidation or reprisals.¹
• When zombies were blamed for wiping out the population of New York, the survivors built a community with a wall and armed guards to keep out zombies. We call for strict enforcement of laws against housing discrimination and "red-lining". Zombies must have the same legal right to live wherever they want as any other American.²
• After an attack in Pennsylvania that was blamed on zombies, a lynch mob hunted down and killed zombies indiscriminately. We call for the arrest and prosecution of anyone who attacks an innocent zombie. If a zombie has broken the law, this should be handled by duly-constituted law enforcement authorities, with proper respect for due process.³
• At a carnival in California, police shot a number of people for no reason but that they "looked like zombies". Press reports made much of the fact that one of the people shot was, in fact, not a zombie. But the outrage is surely not that a non-zombie was killed along with the zombies, but that zombies and non-zombies alike were shot down on the streets without trial, simply based on a policeman's subjective evaluation that he didn't like the way they looked. We call for an immediate end to anti-zombie profiling. We call for the arrest and prosecution of law enforcement personnel who detain zombies without probable cause or who use excessive force against zombies.⁴

The worst thing that could happen is if these incidents lead to widespread discrimination against zombies. Of course we should try to put out the fires and rebuild the destroyed cities, but our first priority must be to create a just and fair society where living and non-living can live exist together in peace and equality.

The real danger is not zombies, but stereotyping, intolerance, and vigilante violence. We call for the strict enforcement of gun control laws, and the disarming of anti-zombie fanatics.

Profiling of zombies is not just unjust, but ineffective. A living 90-year-old grandmother from Topeka is just as likely to kill and eat someone as a zombie.

Finally, it is time that we drop the offensive and insulting term "zombie" from our national vocabularly. Thoughtful people prefer the term "Reanimated-American".

---

1. The Cabinet of Dr Caligari, 1920

2. I Am Legend, 2007

3. Night of the Living Dead, 1968

4. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Gave Up Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, 1964